far from the hate of the day / the men wasted the night away.
I feel as though I'm on the verge of some resolution, a denouement of sorts. Thoughts have been drifting back to days gone by, to memories I once halfheartedly hoped would be left dormant.
I want to fix things. Not just between us, but for everyone and for everything.
But I don't know how to go about doing so. I mean, I can certainly deal with not resolving things, but being able to tie up loose ends or make amends would just really make me feel better.
Ugh. Relapse, redux.
I want to write someone a letter. But, as Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, "If I am changing, then surely I am no longer the person I was, and if I am something else than heretofore, then it is clear that I have no acquaintances. And to strange people, to people who do not know me, I cannot possibly write."
I hate the fact that what I'm writing is a disjointed stream of consciousness with absolutely no direction whatsoever. Maybe that's why I have no readers.
I'm terribly frustrated. I'm such a shitty writer.