I feel as if I'm at a crossroads. There are so many paths that span out from this deserted locus, and I am daunted. Which path do I take? Where do I choose as my destination?

Moving beyond metaphor...I don't know where I am anymore. As a person, as a soul, as a resident of the world. So many issues have presented themselves to me in the past one or two months. These events feel like agents of change, symbols of the growing interdependence I have on other people and the rest of the world.

Morality is defined by Merriam-Webster as "a moral discourse, statement, or lesson." Moral is defined as "of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior." I don't understand why people treat morality as an issue indelibly tied to that of faith. While I myself am uncertain on my faith, I believe that one can be moral without being religious (I'm a fairly good example of this). Religion should be something to enhance life and to bring people together, not inhibit it and foster hate.

Ugh. I wish I was more eloquent right now.

But morality and religion have been growing closer and closer to my life. I've had to deal with each more regularly, and it's making me question my own convictions. While it may simply be that I've grown closer/more interested in a religious individual, I feel that the ambiguities of this particular situation need to be addressed.

Religion and morality are not one and the same. Although religion does play a key role in the moral growth and fervor of religious individuals, one can be moral without being religious.

This morning, I was reading the blog of a conservative Christian who writes particularly on our dependence on Christ for not only salvation but also for guidance through life. As much as I hate to step on beliefs, I think that the nature of Christianity is not one of complete subservience or obsequiousness to God. Conversely, it is more of a give-and-take relationship, whereupon one makes changes in his or her life for God, but not simply in fear or respect. God should be a friend, not a dictator. As I mentioned earlier, religion is supposed to make life better, not inhibit the joys which it holds. Now, this is not to say that I approve of drinking excessively, doing drugs, or being a bad person; however, I feel that because God gave us free will and the ability to decide for ourselves, we should not decide to be a slave or servant to him. We should be his friend, we should confide in him, and we should defend him. We should love him, and care about him, but we should not have to cater to his every whim or bow down to him.

At the risk of sounding blasphemous, that is the very nature of God. God is the very definition of good, of perfection. Thus, he must be humble enough that his followers should not be expected to genuflect or avert their eyes or any other religious cliché. These followers should be admirers, in the same way that one admires a friend.

In the same blog, the author seems to flaunt the feeling of being helpless and needing God as an anchor to live well. This is a very passive stance to take, because (as I mentioned earlier) God gave us free will. We need to be more proactive in our approach to Christ, to the Bible, and to God. We are our own people (God made us that way!) and we can make our own decisions.

By the same logic as the author of the blog, "We need to look at Christ as our model." Christ himself was friend to his followers; through his divinity and his magnificence he befriended those who were. He was humble and kind. With this as our model, there's no question that we should take the same approach to our relationship with God.

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Another issue taking recent precedence in my life is that of making a change in the world. People always talk about how they sympathize with the poor in Africa, the disadvantaged in Latin America, the hungry in Asia. They always make empty, sympathetic, piteous condolences in attempts to outreach to these groups or to "help" them. I must say, I used to be one of them.

But a few weeks ago, I met a guy from Venezuela, a person whose impact on me has been unparalleled by anyone else. He told me about how the United States is different than that of Venezuela. "You have milk in your house. I don't," he told me. His charisma and his passion for trying to change things was clearly demonstrated when he explained to me that documents that I had written by a Venezuelan official were lies, propaganda, meaningless fodder put out by their government. Though I have no way of verifying that claim, his fervor for making a difference was inspiring. It was beautiful. It was perfectly poetic in every way, and he imbued me with that same passion for changing things.

No matter how much you read about social and political disparity in developing nations, no matter how many dollars you give to charity under the banner of pitiful sympathy, no matter how many news broadcasts you've seen from impoverished nations...none of it compares to engaging in common, informal conversation with a person who has been directly affected by the issues at hand.

And he's really commoved me. He's galvanized just what I want to do for the world, and that's to change it.

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Is this what it feels like to grow up? Is this what it means to be independent? Or am I simply lucky enough to have these experiences that so strongly influence my life?

I can't say whether I like them or not, because I truly do not know. However, I do know that I want the future to come sooner so that I can figure out these issues' true reciprocations. I want to be an agent of change. I want to help, I want to affect.

I want to begin.